Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Christmas, Alive and Well

Me and Jamie really know how to celebrate a holiday, my first real tree! we just went to a shady parking lot business, bought a tree, tied it to a car, bought some sprite, and drove home. Why are we so cool? We were born this way.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The In-Between.

Let me take you on a journey.
My day started off normal. Me, waking up on the floor of my apartment at roughly 10 or 11 in the morning to Jamie getting ready for work. Making Jamie breakfast (hash browns and eggs) which I ended up eating because she didn't have time, cleaning, doing the dishes, watching some tv online, you know, it's how I do.
Little did I know that these events would lead up to a fun and awkward infused day.
I left for work in my car, and that's where the trouble started. As I drove down the road I started noticing more and more motorcycles lining the sides of the street, and the two lane road began to narrow and narrow until it became a one lane road. What did I do you ask? I just kept driving! Turning around did not cross my mind once, strike one reflexes-strike one. Keep in mind there were motorcycles on the side of the road. A lot of them. and out of the corner of my eye one single cycle caught my eye. "Parade Enforcer" a sign attached to the front of it read. And that's when it started. all the cycles took off and somehow I had gotten caught up in the middle  There were motorcycles to the front, to the back, on each side. And my lonely car was chugging along right with them. I had become part of the parade. It gets better, there were people on watching the parade and I can only imagine what they were thinking. Some white cheerleader car among all these choppers and harleys? Has someone told this girl that she is in a car? Does she realize that this is a parade? no ok, no!
And my day only got more interesting, I stopped off at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. After I had paid up and made light conversation with the man in the white jacket and several other pharmacy-goers, the pharmacist handed me my medicine and simply stated, "you enjoy that." now i can see how that would be slightly amusing if I had picked up say pain killers, but it was antibiotics, and not even antibiotics because i was sick. I'd seen this guy once a month for the last six months. I said the only thing that came to mind, "you don't have to tell me twice!"
and the icing on the cake. when i arrived at work, I took one last glance in the rearview to make sure I looked presentable. well, I didn't. The remnants of my lunch remained on my lip. peanut butter, peanuts included. the whole parade experience? the pharmacy situation? all were made that much better because the world could finally physically witness how much i love peanut butter.

now, i know i share a lot of albertson's stories, but this one is sure to be a crowd pleaser. I had finished up helping a customer in his pursuit of deli meat ecstasy, and asked, "is there anything else I can do for you?" and he answered without so much a hesitation, "yes, please do not get hit by a drunk driver." and walked away. I guess i'll try my hardest?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


The SICKEST thing happened to me the other day.
So, I was at my favorite place in the entire world, Albertson's, and I was cleaning up for the night. They have the apex of trash compactors, so big it resides in a wall. The entrance to it is practically above my head. I heaved, I ho'ed, and hoisted a gigantic bag of trash up and through the hole in the wall, but not quick enough to escape what happened next. A drop, a single drop (or it could have been several drops that congregated to form one large one) dripped down the plastic from whence it was conceived, and LANDED IN MY EYE. That's right, garbage juice, in my eye opened wide in surprise. My eye's natural defenses of course, were of no use, as watering tends to spread the filth throughout. So now i have one tainted eye, and half my brain sees everything in a dirtier light.
This experience goes right up there on my list of choice Albertson's accomplishments including:
-Getting in a fight with an old lady. I do not exaggerate, she told me she was 88 in the midst of our argument
-Having the general manager comment on how dirty my uniform was
-Still not washing the said uniform.
-My manager asking me to turn my apron around, because it was too dirty to be seen by the general public, more than once.
-Complaining about how much i wanted candy, until my assistant manager bought me a bag. Embarrassing, but worth it, right? wrong! she bought those hershey cookies and cream bars, who even likes those. why do they even make those. I had to choke them down to please her.
-Cutting myself on the slicer, they told me they'd NEVER had someone do that.
-Cutting myself again, the very next day.
-Still not washing my uniform
-Having the store manager bring the little employee pep meetings back to the deli, because i had missed it (intentionally) so many times. He wanted to make sure i was included.
Oh the joys that are grocery.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

and the crazy ensues.

oh the deli. these are actual instructions i read in a pamphlet. ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS.
if you see a pest (mouse, rat, or fly) enter the workplace, contact your manager immediately.
and i fully intend to do so. every fly the comes into the deli will have me running up front to let the manager know there is a pest rampage happening in the workplace.

Monday, August 24, 2009

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Recently I have acquired a position at a local deli, ok a corporate deli.
Their motto is "crazy about food". Well they have one thing right, they are definitely crazy.
We started with the basics, training videos. Everyone knows that training videos are corny, but this place went above and beyond the expectancy level. At one point a lady exclaimed to a worker (in the video)-you have astounded me with your wealth of knowledge. I couldn't help it, I started laughing and laughing. The worst part is, no one else thought it was weird. The other trainees were riveted! As I laughed I looked around like, "come now, you can't be serious. right?" they all shifted awkwardly in their seats as if to apologize for my raucous behavior.
Next up was online training, you know the type, listening to a lot of boring videos and answering questions afterwards.
I settled in for the long haul, and was pleasantly surprised when I found out that whoever created the videos was a weirdo. Point in case, an actual instruction from the video: when you are cleaning up the deli, make sure you pick up debris from the floor. Napkins, gloves, toothpicks, grapes, and other items that might be in the way. GRAPES? What in tarnation! I can only assume that lately there has been an excess of grape dropping, subsequently resulting in grape squashing, that is simply unacceptable. So unacceptable in fact that they decided to put it in the online training videos. This way, they can nip this grape problem in the bud.
And the last is, my manager. He said something so funny that it is blog-worthy. He was giving the troops a pep talk, when an epiphany hit him. He stopped, and inserted in the repartee-we shouldn't be saying customer service anymore. We should be saying customer satisfaction, because we want them to be thoroughly satisfied. And I could only think-yes thoroughly satisfied is much better than being thoroughly serviced. I still wish I had said it out loud. Ok so what he said wasn't that funny, I just wanted an excuse to put something funny I thought in. done, and done.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Ducat

Oh what, you don't have a friend with a Ducati who drives you to cool waterfalls, and then takes pictures of you at the tippy top? (I really am up there, in a green shirt, look close)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

old, new. borrowed, blue--or just a lot of new things

moving out is hard, so to help myself cope i've gotten some new things. are you even ready for this?

The Jag. I cried tears when I got this baby-and I do not cry.

Jack "the piglet" White. Even though he died on me the VERY FIRST DAY I GOT HIM, 200 dollars and some stress wrinkles later, he got me all the way to Portland!

Speaking of which, Portland. My new city.

Someone has to help pay rent.

Our new apartment. It's like living in fairyland, only better, because I'm the fairy.

AlumiBuddy. Oh, little AlumiBuddy.

It was a good deal!

The Memoir.

Wait for it....

Oh, it's an 8mp camera too. It's not a big deal.

Friday, June 12, 2009

dine and dash

another serving adventure:
it was almost closing time(5 minutes to 9), and i was raring to go. everything was cleaned, my sidework was done, all that was left to do was count my money and run like heck.
then, the table walked in. and asked to be sat. it was my turn.
i sat them a little begrudgingly, and told them i would return in a few minutes to receive their order.
as soon as i walked into the back i started ranting and raving about how rude it was to come in before close, asking me to just stop my whole life (and plans) for them. and i really was pretty mad.
later i returned to the table with their drinks and food, very graciously i might add, the only man at the table (obviously the one who would be paying) asked me if i would like to deliver their check right now, in case i had plans. my mind: red alert, red alert, they heard you talking about them! quick, think of something!
i just chuckled and said oh no! what're you talking about? i'm here for you...i don't have anywhere to be! his reply: are you sure? my rebuttle:oh yes, yes. and i hightailed it to the back. five minutes later i sheepishly asked how they were doing, and if there was anything i could do? the man was ready for me: actually, yes. could you bring the check? we forgot we have to be somewhere...
slick old man, very slick.
they left me a twenty percent tip. he wins this battle.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

brooke, the dog.

i went swimming at my friend's house earlier, and it just so happens that her black lab is named brooke. what. the. heck. that is a human name. she kept calling her and whistling for her and i kept looking over at her, just to have her say i was talking to the dog. and once i caught her snapping and whistling at me--and she promptly said, i got confused.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

my biggest fear

that one day, i will take out my teeth whitening trays, and my teeth will be reduced to powdery stubs.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

the food eaters dilemma

it has come to my attention that it is not just lunch workers who give me free food. it is the general populace. a girl i know stopped me in the parking lot of my school and asked if i wanted to try some dip and bread from her work. she was currently eating it. i willingly tried some and by the end of our conversation she said, you can have the rest! half the dip and half the bread still remained. i asked her if she was sure, and she energetically replied that she was. as i type this i am eating the stuff. and it's good...should i not have taken it? also, another lunch time at my school i took an expedition to a friend's house and ended up with a mostly full box of corn pops. it lasted me for days. when i returned to the said house maybe a week later, a new box of corn pops had replaced the one i had received from my friend. apparently her parents weren't as keen on the "give brooke a whole box of cereal" as their daughter was.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

powers of persuasion? or personal appearance? you decide.

the place, the lunch room at hillcrest. the time, lunchtime. the players? yours truly. so i was in the lunchroom in line for lunch with my friend, Kiley. as we were checking out there was a rag folded neatly in front of the til. i asked the lady what it was for, and she said the milk is always wet so it is there to place your carton on it to dry it off. i chuckled and said you are so smart! and the lunch lady said she knew this already. i leaned in conspiratorially, and said smart enough to get me free lunch?? she just laughed and i laughed, and Kiley laughed. and that was that. or so it seemed: later she came up to me as i was sitting on a lunch table and she handed me a cookie! she said you're too skinny!
and this wasn't my first jaunt with a lunch employee. once a lunch man gave me a free apple.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

adventures with mom

mother enlisted my help with making cookies for trent's eagle project tonight. i obliged and she assigned me some weird chocolate cookies. i dived into the project and within a half hour i was done. i looked at the recepie and it projected about 4 dozen cookies, i scoffed and said 4 dozen?? try 2. AT MOST. and then i went on my jolly way downstairs. i'd made a dastardly mistake as it turns out, i left big red upstairs. i went back up to retrieve him and i noticed two little brown balls of chocolate cookie dough. i said, mom? did you mess with my....and then i noticed the suspiciously smaller cookie lumps on the sheet. mother laughed and laughed and i informed her i was never going to make cookies with her again as i obviously couldn't do it right the first time. she turned around and i promptly attacked her blonde brownies with my only weapon, my two index fingers. she turned back around and i said i'll be downstairs if you need me! as i trotted away, i hear mom saying who put all these holes in this? it looks ridiculous! i said xena! and ran the rest of the way down the stairs.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Puddletown Galore

these pictures say more than 8000 words.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I love tags, personality tests, anything about me really.

--> Spell your name without vowels: brk
--> What is the date 2 days after your birthday?: Oct. 6th
--> How many pairs of jeans do you own?: Well las time a counted, 23. but i know i've boughten some since then. so i'm gonna go with 25?
--> How many are designer?: designer jeans are for rich people who hate themselves.
--> What color do you wear most?: i honestly could not say. maybe gray. i like gray.
--> Least favorite color?: stomach acid color
--> Last song heard on the radio?: live your life. by t.i. i had a ride take me to school ok!
--> What's for dinner tonite?: some stolen fries from my tables food, if i can risk it.
--> Are you happy with your life right now?: confused mostly.
--> Tell me a secret about one of your siblings: trent hates playing the piano. oh wait, that's not a secret!
--> Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: uma thurman. mostly when i had black hair with straight across bangs, but uma thurman none the less.
--> Who did you last call on your cell phone?: Jamie! we were solidifying plans for the weekend.
--> Do you own a..
- PS2?: no.
- XBOX 360?: my family does?
- PSP?: no.
- SIDEKICK?: no way jose! i have to text in class, i can't be luggin that thing around.
- DIGITAL CAMERA?: no. but i asked for one for christmas. it just wasn't meant to be.
--> Do you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, or Aeropostale?: i would rather shoot myself in the face.
--> How do you make money?: i'm a server. sometimes i can talk mom into splitting things half and half with me, i'm gonna count that. mom's a hard woman to crack.
--> Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?: my application fee to PSU was exactly 50. other than that, my water filter plus new filters i guess.
--> Are you missing someone right now?: my nephews. and my niece. and all my family in Puddletown.
--> Finish this sentence. I wish: i had money for school.
--> One word to describe you: awesome?
--> Favorite pair of shoes: my vans. the white ones. i wear those to work, and last night they totally ripped up the front. saddest moment of my life.
-->Who is the first person in your Blog Links List?: Alyssa Findlay.
--> What would you rather be doing right now?: eating. i'm starving! barbie lunches are just not cutting it mother.
--> What should you be doing right now?: my dumb homework.
--> Have you kissed your significant other lately?: relationships are for suckers. until i meet someone really, really hot i will continue to think so.
--> Last IM you recieved?: screw IMing
--> Last text message you recieved? from erik, about lunch.
--> Who did you hug today?: my mom. i think my dad. big red, constantly.
--> What are you going to do now?: my dumb homework.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Bigger Green

Brooke Catherine Harrison proudly announces a new addition to her family, Bigger Green. Don't worry, the official engraving initiatory process soon to follow.

Monday, March 2, 2009

are you serious??

i had a seinfeld episode happen to me today-it was crazy town.
most of you know i have a large water bottle, big red. i take him wherever i go and i love him dearly. there is just one drawback, i'm in the bathroom..oh basically constantly. (my health is worth it!)
so here i am sitting on the toilet in the ladies gym, when i look to the right of me-your left-and there is no toilet paper. and there was no one in the stalls to the right or left. as i contemplate my fate a girl (or i assume so) walks into the stall next to me. i exhale audibly and say,"phew! there's no toilet paper in this stall, could you give me some?" no answer. so i voiced my query once more. again, nothing. the situation called for drastic measures. i stuck my hand under the stall and asked yet again, this time gesticulating with my hand. she doesn't utter a word. i had to scuttle to the next stall.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

h town!

so i made this in my tech lab class,, and it is very cool. here are some pictures at every angle.

h town!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Annoying, but humerous

so i was at work tonight, and i was making fun of the hostess because she wasn't giving me my change. i said something like, oh it's .42 cents. she looked at me, had the change cupped in her hands and threw it up and out into the restaurant. i was dumbfounded but laughing. it took me at least ten minutes to find the five coins.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

i thought it was cool...

oh that is my face. on my water bottle!

we all know my water bottle, big red. what we didn't know was what technology can do today and that i'm very cool. and pretty. oh wait, we did know that!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Go Utes!

I'm officially switching my allegiance from BYU to the UofU. BYU is lame and the U is better at most things, even if they let BYU win from time to time. plus they are my university of choice, where i will receive my formal education.

Oh, did I mention i hate BYU?

Monday, February 9, 2009

star struck at joe's

so i was working a regular monday shift at work. my fellow server had a table that had this book on it.
i was bored so i struck up a conversation. i told him i'd read the book, how much i liked it blah blah blah. basically, i gushed about how good it was. he said, oh really? and asked me to open up to a certain page in the book. his picture was in it! he was the author's boyfriend! now let me tell you more about this book. it is a new york seller, a book about a woman's experience in the polygamous sect. it is crazy, crazy good. and i basically meant a famous person.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

gay men to cream cheese: my last 24 hours

first, is it just me-or are all cream cheese packages, regardless of the brand, the same inside?

second, i would just like to share what mother nature brings me each month-with my monthly gift i receive crazy dry lips that actually peel, a loss of appetite-i just don't want to eat-but everything i taste is so delicious. why am i so weird!

and the crown jewel of my collection: a work story. so i was at work yesterday and at one of my tables were two men. at the end of their meal i asked if they would like dessert, they said yes. my next question, one piece for each of you? to which i receive the reply no we'll take one to share. as a joke i suggestively say, oh one to share huh? they both look at me and one answers, oh. you can tell we're gay. i didn't know what to say, so i just walked away, my mouth hanging open.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i want babies!

Recently the merrell boys and the william boy visited us. it has been quite the two weeks. i love coming home every day to my nephews bellowing loudly, "where are my boys?" they are so much fun and i am already dreading having them leave.
bonus asher material:
-aunt brookie? where is utah?
-i can't have a dog because they are too expensive.
-no you did not hurt me! i hurt myself and you
-where is lisa? (lisa:let's call me mom.)
-shampoo shampoo shampoo
i can't wait to see them again, and when oliver and harrison can talk it is going to be awesome.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

quick little note

ok, so mom calls me up from the basement, and says she needs help. she even offered me a ferre roche if i did it, so i did it. abby ate all mine, i wanted it! it wasn't til the treat was popped in my mouth, chewed and swallowed that mom tells me she found it in the bunk bed upstairs. if i die, i blame her.

Pone War

It all started when we ran out of pens in the back. i was at work, it was a busy friday night, and i had one pen in my apron. so when one of my tables said they were ready for their check i started freaking out a little (inside of course, i would never lose my composure at work) so i snuck sneakily to the front-the hostess' territory. Now they had two pens, both with labels on them saying hostess' pen, or lori's pen. i grabbed the nearest one (lori's), ripped the tape off, stuck it in my credit card thing, and walked swiftly away. Of course i was making small talk with the hostess' the whole time. halfway to my table i hear a gasp and a "she took our pen!" and i laughed and laughed! little did i know what they were capable of.
ten minutes later i was in the back, keep in mind i had already given the pen back, when i noticed my phone was missing. i don't keep it on me, as it is a distraction while i'm trying to talk to my tables. i started asking around, making sure i asked the cooks who think it is hilarious to steal it and text people. no one had seen it, and i even asked my manager if he took it-much to his offense. when i heard a muttered whisper behind me. kaitlin, a fellow server said, "brooke, the hostess' have it, they told me!" and that's when the pone war started.
i stalked right over to cheyanne (a hostess) and asked her if i could borrow her phone to call mine, she gave it up all to easily and i gave it to maegan another server who they would never suspect. we took all kinds of pictures on it, and eventually i sent maegan as a diplomat to switch phones. she told them of our offer, and they refused! the nerve! so she grabbed another taped pen and ran away! sides were forming quickly, and frantic searches were beginning to find the phones. we hid hers (aliscia's idea) in the straws. lori came into the back and as she walked away i called her name-lori! you forgot this! (the menus, she is the queen of telling people what to do, yet hates it when we do the same to her). finally i called a truce and told cheyanne the general vicinity of where her phone was. she told me mine, and aliscia basically turned traitor and told her where it was. while i found out mine was LOCKED IN A LOCKER. at the end of the night i told her i wouldn't check out until she gave it to me, and she said ok ok i took it out of the locker, we'll play hot and cold. their little game led me to the garbage can where i shifted through all the paper and wetness getting more angry each minute. i had bare hands! even chris looked through it, (a cook) and no phone showed up. they had lied! lied to see me suffer! then i was really angry. randi, an old server came in and i talked to her for like 15 minutes, and when i turned around--they had checked me out! the manager gave them permission, and although i can appreciate the humor, they were winning the war. eventually they gave up the phone, it had to be one of the funnest nights at work that i can remember.