i was lookin good.
i was at the freddy's down the street picking up my dinner (potatoes and sour cream)
as i was checking out at the self-checkout, the machine prompted me to scan my fred meyer rewards! card.
I did so, and the machine responded "welcome valued customer" just as warmly and lovingly as ever
i clicked my high-heeled feet over to the self-checkout supervisor (so much for "self " checkout, if we need a babysitter)
I asked her, what, exactly, is the reward! behind the fred meyer's reward! card. It is not the safeway instant gratification as you watch yourself save card, and it wasn't the freak out and cancel the credit line one day later target card.
she explained the card (something about spending as much money as humanly possible) and i headed into the drizzle.
as i strutted professionally out of the grocery store, feeling much more aware of my reward! situation, i tasted something time had almost taken away from me, something a wee-toddler brooke had to pull on my blazer and bid me near her thigh-high mouth to explain. i tasted a snot drop drip into my mouth.
I would like to publicly commend this grocer on her abilities to speak to me straight-faced as a dollop of snot dangled from my nose (and probably wiggled/waggled dangerously as i spoke).
bonus side story-
as i left work today, still looking good and more than likely less snot-drippy, an older lady joined me in the elevator. she looked a little frazzled, and I, never being one to control my impulses to talk to strangers and friends alike, commented, "wet out?" her head turned dramatically my way, and she spoke in a thick, european accent, "it is terrible, just horrible out there. it is so windy, and it is raining very hard. do you have an umbrella?"
"oh no! no!, and this is all i wore today" (pointing to my less than adequate t-shirt/jacket combo.)
we reached our floor 1 destination and as we left, she expressed concern for me. I reassured her that I only had a few blocks to go and thanked her for being so kind.
I braced myself to step into hurricane bonnie (or whatever hurricane we are on now) and forced my body to step out of hi-rise comfort. and..was pleasantly disappointed? next to no wind. and the ground was wet, but it wasn't raining.
Sarcastic old wit? Or temperature -sensitive like none other? you decide.
2 comments:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for the laugh.
I just choked on my green apple (from my new lifestyle, please see blog), literally sucked a piece into my windpipe and had to hurl my stomach against the edge of the counter in the coffee shop in order to give myself the heimlich from laughing at this post. There. You are so funny, I almost died. Also, Matt's comment about the DEEEEPLLLLOOOY WIIINNNGS! was hilarious. I apparently need to work on my humor.
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